Hitsugaya and the Ocean Blue
by Full Shadow Alchemist
Summary: Hitsugaya and his pseudo-friends, Matsumoto and Momo, star in this thrilling conclusion: Find the snowman! "What does this have to do with snowmen?" 3/3 of "Hitsugaya's Adventures as Charlie the Unicorn"


Hitsugaya sighed contently. It's been a long two months since his run-in with the Banana King and the two creepy 'women' he no longer considers his friends. Ever since Matsumoto disappeared inside the vortex, the two shinigami have been declared M.I.A. The peace and quiet is astonishing, but it has been, dare he say it, lonely.

Right now, he was strolling the Soul Society's forests. If it weren't for them, he would have never come to realize how beautiful-

"_Ssshhhirrrooooo." _A voice echoed through the forest. He stopped in his tracks.

Hitsugaya hesitantly called out, "Hello? Is someone there?"

"_Ssshhhhiirrrrooooooo." _The voice simply called out again.

Hitsugaya popped a vein. "What? What do you want?"

The voice did not repeat.

Hitsugaya grunted, and moved along.

"Captain!" and "Shiro!" rang out at the same time. There was a flash of light, and suddenly Momo and Matsumoto were occupying previously empty space.

Hitsugaya cried out and fell back a step. "Gah! Ah!" He clutched at his heart and gave them the best glare he could muster. "Give me a heart attack, that's fine!"

"We're from the future, Shiro-chan!" Momo supplied more helpfully than last time.

Hitsugaya looked them over. They were wearing their usual shinigami uniforms, sunglasses and satellites on barbed wire around their necks. "Oh, I bet."

Matsumoto cut through his cold judgement upon them and brought his attention to the issue at hand. "The world is in perillll."

Momo continued. "All that is good has been consumed by evil!"

Matsumoto's eye began to glow evil colours. "The end is nigh! Nighhh!"

There was a flash of light, and Matsumoto and Momo disappeared into a smoky grey cloud, where several copies of Momo and Matsumoto's heads and bodies in various sizes emerged then disappeared back into the cloud. Another flash of light, and they were standing in front of him again.

He shivered slightly. "Yep, so that was the scariest thing I've ever seen."

"Come with us to the future!" Momo insisted.

"We need your help to finish our _snowman!_" Matsumoto pressed on.

"Snowman?" He crinkled his nose. Sounded like another harebrained scheme to strip, maim or rob him again. Still, he had to ask. "What are you going on about?"

Momo shook her head frantically. "There's no time to explain!"

"Grab onto our tongues!" Matsumoto cried.

No kiddies, do you recognize a bad idea when you see one? Studies show most of you don't. To fill you in, Hitsugaya's bad idea was asking how, instead of running. "How do I- "

"Blehhh!"

Momo and Matsumoto's tongues grow in length as they shoot out of their mouths and drape themselves on him.

Hitsugaya screamed like a banshee in a fox trap. "Ohhhh this is so gross!"

There was a bright flash, and the trio were gone.

In the future…

There is a bright flash, just like in the past. The trio reappear. The tongues are no longer wrapped around Hitsugaya, and their future costumes have disappeared.

Momo happily explained the situation. "Shiro-chan, we're here!"

"In the futureee!" Matsumoto added. A party horn somehow made its way into her mouth and she blew it. It made the celebratory noise and retracted. Then, it was gone. Hitsugaya recognized its existence to be another mystery.

Hitsugaya had a protest to all of this. "This looks exactly the same!"

Indeed it did.

Momo hushed him. "Shhhh, you'll wake the Umu."

He blinked innocently. "…Umu?"

"We need to get to the river." The older lady reminded them. Even though they did not know this to start with.

Momo seemed to agree with her anyways. "And we gotta be sneaky."

The two of them proceeded to defy Newton again by floating into the air. Their legs though…they were bending like rubber, like they had no bones in their legs.

Matsumoto cackled unnaturally. "We gotta be sneaky, Captain, sssneaky."

Hitsugaya blanched at what he saw. "Yeah, there's no way I can do that with my legs."

The silence reigned supreme when his lieutenant cringed and warned, "Oh no! Listen!"

"The Umu has awoken!" Momo panicked. "Run!"

"What are you- I don't hear _anything!_" He had to run to catch up with the retreating ex-friends.

They ended up do something of a light jog through the damned forest again, the two women in front and Hitsugaya trailing behind. Of course, everything that can out of their mouths was absolute bull-crap.

Momo looked back at him as she cried, "Hurry! Look out for the Yomyoms!"

"They're everywherrrrrrre!" Matsumoto additionally warned.

Hitsugaya could only sigh wearily. No matter how many times this has happened now, he still hasn't gotten used to this. That was more disturbing than anything else.

"…What am I missing here?"

Momo did not let that thought very far. She screeched and started to run again. "Narshlogs! Coming in from above!"

Matsumoto did not run to catch up. Rather, she had a very different plan. "Evasive manoeuvres!" She begins to float away again, her legs doing the rubbery…excuse me, _sneaky _movements. "Neh! Nyehhh!"

Momo was still looking out for him, for some reason. "Shiro-chan! Look out for the Bleh-bleh-bleh!"

Hitsugaya groaned. "Can I go home yet?"

They eventually made it to a fast moving river where a boat was waiting for them. And not just any boat! This boat was a duck. Matsumoto and Momo made it onto the boat and were awaiting their (ex-) friend's arrival.

Matsumoto was almost hysterical. Then again, she was always like that these days. "Captain, get on the duck!"

"The Bleh-bleh-bleh are right behind us!"

Hitsugaya thought he saw a chance to escape. Unfortunately for him, such a thing did not exist. "I think I'll take my chances with the Oompoos and the Wawas." He spoke sarcastically, but there was hope in that statement. Pure hope.

Matsumoto gasped melodramatically. "Oh no! A Narshlog has got Captain!"

Momo had the plan of action ready. "Quickly! Grab onto our tongues!"

"Bleeeeehhh!"

Immediately their tongues shot out of their mouths again and…draped themselves on Hitsugaya.

"Oh!" Hitsugaya almost cried when the slimy pink things did a rape impression. "Aw, really? Again with the _tongues_?"

Time passed, and they were drifting downstream on the duck. At the pace they were going, it was going to be a long journey. Unthankfully, Matsumoto and Momo had a primitive method of entertainment.

Momo started. "Ring, ring."

Matsumoto continued. "Hellooo?"

Momo started. "Ring, ring."

Matsumoto stumbled over her word. "H-he-hellooo?"

Hitsugaya closed his eyes tightly.

Momo started. "Ring, ring."

"Helloooooo?

"Ring, ring."

"H-hello?"

"...Ring, ring."

Hitsugaya finished, "YOU HAVE A BAD CONNECTION!"

Ending the game turned out to be a bad idea, actually. "Time to go down below!" Momo announced.

"Into the liquid abyss!" Matsumoto added on as a footnote.

Hitsugaya felt an irrational panic swell in his chest. What they had planned sounded suspiciously like…

The duck-boat began to sink into the water, much like a submarine did. Except it was a duck-boat. Bubbles started to pop all around the duck-boat. It wasn't going to end happily, with Hitsugaya scoring one of the chicks (or both).

"Oh my God, hey, hey! I can't swim!" As an afterthought he added, "Or breathe underwater!"

Momo blissfully ignored him. "Ring, ring."

Matsumoto followed her lead. "Hello?"

"I'm serious, I'm going to drown!" He cut in.

Momo and Matsumoto talked over him as he protested.

"Ring, ring."

"Hellooo?"

"Ring, ring."

"Hellooo?"

"What does this have to do with snowmen?"

"Ring, ring."

"Helloooblubblubblub", the duck-boat sank underwater.

Under the water, it actually seemed as though they were fine. Everyone could breathe, talk and walk around like normal. In any case, the women explained the situation as the duck-boat floated to land on the floor of what looked like the ruins of a castle.

"See, Charlie? Look!" Momo pointed at the ruins.

Matsumoto contributed to the conversation helpfully. "This is where we've hidden the snowman!"

"Yeah, to save the world, right? I'm not even gonna ask how I'm still alive. 'Cause you know what I think?" He went on without missing a beat. "I think I died long ago and you two are my eternal punishment."

The slightest of pauses.

"You're like a constant downer, huh?" Momo quipped.

Hitsugaya looked at her in disbelief. Was she…did she just become genre savvy?

They disembarked from the duck-boat and made their way through the ruins. Matsumoto warned him of the first trial that they needed to face.

"To get to the snowman we need to first pass – the Dooooor!"

His eyes panned the room, and spotted a solitary door blocking their path

"The Dooooor!" The younger lady spookily added.

"…The Door?" He was rather sceptical about this 'door'. What could it possibly do that made it such a great adversary?

Matsumoto stumbled over her words again in awe. "Th-the Door!"

He was going to regret this, but…"What is the Door?"

Momo told him, "The Door is everything!"

"All that once was and all that will be!" His lieutenant continued.

A dark fog began to creep into the room. Unnatural lights reflected on the door and walls as it began to float in the ai-um, water. Floating in water makes more sense than floating in the air, doesn't it? *shot for breaking fourth wall*

*assailant shoots self for making it obvious author broke fourth wall*

They went on as if nothing had happened. "The Door controls Time and Space!"

"Life and Death!"

"The Door can see into your mind!"

Matsumoto's pupils contracted. "The Door can see into your SOOOUUUUUL!"

He was worried about the safety of humanity with this Door in existence, so he had to ask, "Really, th-the Door can do all that?"

And just like that, everything was normal again.

"Heh, _no._"

In the end, they walked around it.

They were making their way through a hall in the castle when they met their next great adversary.

"We're almost there, Shiro-chan. Its right at the end of this-" his old friend's speech ended suddenly as she spotted, "Oh my God it's a whale!"

"Nooooo! Whaaaale!"

Serenely, a shadow of the whale passed over them. They watched it go silently.

The whale moved on.

"Just a few more steps and-" She was again startled by a sea creature, "Oh my God it's a Narwhal!"

"Noooo! Narwhaaaaal!" The bustier of the two cried, "Narwhal of deathhhhh! It's gonna kill us!"

Serenely, a shadow of the narwhal passed over them. They watched it go silently.

The narwhal moved on.

"It's right up ahead now! You can see the-" Momo froze in her tracks as she cried, "Oh my God it's a- "

Now he had had just about enough of this. "Stop it! Stop it! I don't care about each and every sea creature you see!"

Matsumoto looked undeterred by his pessimism. In fact…"But, Captaaaiiinn! They care about you!"

A beam of light coming from above shone on the young Captain. It lifted him up gently as some sort of 'Under the Sea' music began to play. He knew this sensation all too well.

A musical number.

"Oh, no. No! No! Noo!" He begged for help, but they only watched with those stupid grins on their faces.

The light dropped him off on top of some column as a figure floated into his peripheral vision. He knew this person to be Yoruichi, another former captain. But with goat horns. She floated to be beside him with the help of red, blue, yellow and green balloons. Rather irrational, since they were underwater and all.

She started to sing:

When, you're feeling all alone, the world's a drone, and nobody's shown any love to you,"

Hitsugaya confessed, "I can't tell if you're adorable or creepy."

She led him to the ocean floor, where they walked along as she continued to sing:

"When, you're heart is cold as stone, just change your tone, get rid of that groan, and the world will too!"

He finally decided, "Probably gonna go with creepy."

She went on, introducing different characters:** "**Cause Swordfishes- "

Yachiru with a poorly taped sword-nose swam by and sang, "Love you."

"Jellyfishes- "

Unohana with tentacles swam by and sang, "Love you."

"Starfishes- "

Soi Fong in a starfish suit swam by, desperately screaming, "I LOVE YOU!"

Yoruichi suppressed a shudder.

She shakily continued, "You know it's true. Catfishes- "

Yumichika with whiskers sang, "Love you.

"Carp fishes- "

Nemu with something he didn't even know sang, "Love you."

"Blowfishes- "

Isane with several pikes swam by and opened her mouth to sing-

Soi Fong cut in front, "STARFISH REALLY LOVES YOU!"

Isane sulkily swam away as Yoruichi twitched.

"In the ocean blue!"

The scene changed suddenly, and Ishida wearing a shrimp uniform, sunglasses and a golden pimp chain with the English letter 'S' on it appeared. As it turned out, this guy could rap.

"Lungfish, Blackfish, Alligator, Ice fish. Armour head, Hammerhead, Anaconda, Flathead, Manta Ray, Sting Ray, Fang tooth Moray, Goblin shark, Grass Carp, Round River Bat Ray., Noodle fish, Hagfish, Man O' War, Ladyfish, Black Eel, Baby seal, Sprat, Koi, Electric Eel, Lamprey, Pejerey, Yellow-edged Moray, Salmon Shark, Sleeper Shark, Feather back and Eagle Ray!"

The scene returned to normal, with Yoruichi floating by Hitsugaya, who was standing on a cliff.

Yoruichi picked up with the original tune again,

"Well, you can ignore this plea. That's fine with me,

But one day you'll see,

That my words are true!"

Deadpanning, he pleaded, "Please stop singing to me."

They moved along, Hitsugaya walking along a fallen pillar as Yoruichi followed him eagerly.

"What if,

You find that you agree?

I guarantee,

That you will soon be

Feeling the love too!"

A giant stone heart was raised by many multi-coloured balloons. Hitsugaya was still unimpressed.

"I can't wait."

Yoruichi must have understood the sarcasm, and this only fuelled her urge to convert him. She brought out the guilt-trip-and-feel-good-squad again.

"Cause Swordfishes- "

Yachiru with a poorly taped sword-nose swam by and sang, "Love you."

"Jellyfishes- "

Unohana with tentacles swam by and sang, "Love you."

"Starfishes- "

A crazed Soi Fong came by again, even more desperate, "I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER!"

Yoruichi took a step back.

"You know it's true. Catfishes- "

Yumichika with whiskers sang, "Love you.

"Carp fishes- "

Nemu with something he didn't even know sang, "Love you."

"Blowfishes- "

Isane came up, looking very excited, but…

"STARFISH! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!"

Yoruichi backed off a tremendous amount as she continued.

"In the ocean BLUEEE!"

Too bad she backed into something that liked blowing up musically-inclined hybrids

The music ended abruptly.

Hitsugaya floated to the castle floor once more. This honestly didn't even surprise him anymore. "Oh, there goes everyone exploding."

It was then that he noticed the snowman on a small pillar, a little beam of sun reflecting on it. "Oh, hey, look at that. Hey guys! I found the snowman! What did you want me to do?" No answer. "Guys?"

Green smoke from an unidentified smoke rose from the ground and covered the room. Hitsugaya took one sniff and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, sleeping gas! Of course. Why did I expect any different?"

Everything became a blur, and Hitsugaya collapsed.

When he came to, it was in a tundra landscape. A blizzard blew through the area, sweeping a cold chill through the land. He shivered as he awoke.

"Ugh, oooh, oh! Where am I?" He reached up to hold his head, since it now had a horrific headache. Only to find, "Hey! What happened to my horn?"

He stood up and noticed something else.

The snowman was there too. With his hair arranged as its beard.

"Oh! Come on, really! What did that accomplish? Why would- "

He proceeded to look over the rest of the snowman. He noticed something interesting about it.

"Oh, look it's my clothes."

~Fin


End file.
